Post by Dai on Apr 22, 2008 13:07:07 GMT
This will be a strange rant, not just because it's me posting it (I tend to not post much), but also because it's about a very open-minded subject - dreams.
I'm sure we've all woken up after a dream and felt a very strange emotional attachment to it - like if someone you know has died in the dream then you wake up feeling like they really have. It's good to come back to reality after it.
But not with my dreams lately.
3 weeks ago me and my girlfriend of nearly 2 years split. We'd liked eachother for even longer, so you can imagine the timescale. It wasn't a bad split - there was no big argument or anything like that - she had just decided that it was time to move on because things were getting a bit samey and she wasn't happy with how things were. That was fair enough I thought, I did try to talk to her as much as I could when I sensed we might break up but girls always have that friend they're with so they can say "I can't tonight I'm with *name*. I don't want to go much into it as after all, this is my personal life and though everyone here is sympathetic, I wouldn't want to make an impact on anyone's personal life by saying the wrong things about relationships at a young age.
I was initially okay with it, thinking that there may be a way of getting back together but that soon stopped when I realised there was no chance at all. We talk as friends now but not how we had planned to talk - like best friends how we used to be. It sucks, a lot, but life can be harsh and though you might always believe it, there is no Hollywood ending, just the harsh truth. Part of you thinks if you can prove to her that you're mature enough and have enough going for yourself then she may see you as a revitalised person so may rethink her decision. So you get on with your life as best you can, trying to enjoy everything and make every moment count.
And I have enjoyed things, quite a lot. I have many laughs with my friends, I go out to nearby cities with friends more than I did before, I like having the freedom to do as I please, with nothing holding me back. Let's just say I have a lot of things to take my mind off her and move on, live MY life.
But the amazing power of dreams means that no matter how much you've tried, if you dream of that person, you wake up feeling like it was the day after you'd broken up, that you want them back so badly and you can't stop thinking of things to say or do to try to get her back. For the past 3 nights I have dreamed of her and woken up feeling like crap and I am fed up of it. I love her, I always will but I know I can put my feelings to the back of my mind for my sake and for her's. But it's so much harder when my unconscious mind takes over and decides to rekindle all my feelings. I have started going to bed later than usual because if I go to bed early, even though I'm tired I always have her on my mind because there are no distractions. I then consequently wake up late because I am out of a job and feel like I'm missing out on life, which doesn't help.
The only thing that helps is a good old fashioned rant. Every day I wake up I feel like doing nothing but talking to her, try to get her to see sense and believe things can be great again like they used to be. But I know that's not the best decision because you can't impose yourself on someone else, it isn't fair. So I'm forced to throw all of my feelings on someone, and that someone today is this board. My friends have each had it off me for each day I've needed to vent, and I don't want to go back to the same person because I don't want them to think I'm depressed, which I'm not, of course. They know how much my ex meaned to me. We were the original couple out of our group and everyone thought we were the ones who would last the longest. My friends think I've handled it brilliantly - after all, they only see me on nights out when I'm having tonnes of fun because I'm with my friends.
Apologies for the length, it was needed so I can get on with my day.
I'm sure we've all woken up after a dream and felt a very strange emotional attachment to it - like if someone you know has died in the dream then you wake up feeling like they really have. It's good to come back to reality after it.
But not with my dreams lately.
3 weeks ago me and my girlfriend of nearly 2 years split. We'd liked eachother for even longer, so you can imagine the timescale. It wasn't a bad split - there was no big argument or anything like that - she had just decided that it was time to move on because things were getting a bit samey and she wasn't happy with how things were. That was fair enough I thought, I did try to talk to her as much as I could when I sensed we might break up but girls always have that friend they're with so they can say "I can't tonight I'm with *name*. I don't want to go much into it as after all, this is my personal life and though everyone here is sympathetic, I wouldn't want to make an impact on anyone's personal life by saying the wrong things about relationships at a young age.
I was initially okay with it, thinking that there may be a way of getting back together but that soon stopped when I realised there was no chance at all. We talk as friends now but not how we had planned to talk - like best friends how we used to be. It sucks, a lot, but life can be harsh and though you might always believe it, there is no Hollywood ending, just the harsh truth. Part of you thinks if you can prove to her that you're mature enough and have enough going for yourself then she may see you as a revitalised person so may rethink her decision. So you get on with your life as best you can, trying to enjoy everything and make every moment count.
And I have enjoyed things, quite a lot. I have many laughs with my friends, I go out to nearby cities with friends more than I did before, I like having the freedom to do as I please, with nothing holding me back. Let's just say I have a lot of things to take my mind off her and move on, live MY life.
But the amazing power of dreams means that no matter how much you've tried, if you dream of that person, you wake up feeling like it was the day after you'd broken up, that you want them back so badly and you can't stop thinking of things to say or do to try to get her back. For the past 3 nights I have dreamed of her and woken up feeling like crap and I am fed up of it. I love her, I always will but I know I can put my feelings to the back of my mind for my sake and for her's. But it's so much harder when my unconscious mind takes over and decides to rekindle all my feelings. I have started going to bed later than usual because if I go to bed early, even though I'm tired I always have her on my mind because there are no distractions. I then consequently wake up late because I am out of a job and feel like I'm missing out on life, which doesn't help.
The only thing that helps is a good old fashioned rant. Every day I wake up I feel like doing nothing but talking to her, try to get her to see sense and believe things can be great again like they used to be. But I know that's not the best decision because you can't impose yourself on someone else, it isn't fair. So I'm forced to throw all of my feelings on someone, and that someone today is this board. My friends have each had it off me for each day I've needed to vent, and I don't want to go back to the same person because I don't want them to think I'm depressed, which I'm not, of course. They know how much my ex meaned to me. We were the original couple out of our group and everyone thought we were the ones who would last the longest. My friends think I've handled it brilliantly - after all, they only see me on nights out when I'm having tonnes of fun because I'm with my friends.
Apologies for the length, it was needed so I can get on with my day.